Armless Fun

Capcom approached Heather Mills to promote 'amputee game' Bionic Commando.

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By John Gillooly on 22 May, 2009

You really can’t script this stuff. Capcom seems to have recently hired some kind of ‘edgy’ (read: batshit crazy) PR outfit in the UK to promote its products. With the recent launch of Resident Evil 5 on consoles, some bright spark decided on a body part treasure hunt – replica limbs would be hidden in an area around Trafalgar Square. Gamers were to find the parts and then go to Westminster Bridge and, in Capcom’s words, “Alert us to your presence by standing on the bridge, holding the artificial body parts over your head and shouting ‘Kijuju!’. We will be there, watching you, and will approach when you make yourselves known.”

The police turned up on the day after this behaviour disturbed passers by. While no arrests were made, the event gained notoriety when it turned out that not all the found body parts were handed in. A concerned Capcom ended up needing to ask for people who possessed the parts to dispose of them in a safe way.

We had thought this the height of crazy PR until news emerged overnight that Capcom had approached a notorious Briton to promote the newly released Bionic Commando on consoles (PC users have to wait a few weeks). The person in question was Paul McCartney’s ex-wife, and world’s best known amputee, Heather Mills. There was apparently a synergy between a game featuring a grizzled, future-based soldier, who has had his arm replaced by a metallic grappling hook, and a disliked divorcee who can still dance despite having a prosthetic leg.

The news was reported in The Sun, which is one of those tabloids that HAS TO CAPITALISE anything it deems important. This also puts the rumour in the slightly loopy realm. The nuts and bolts of the news was that she asked for a large sum of money and to be in the game (ooh, now that screams downloadable content to us). Capcom couldn’t fit that into the budget (or her into the game), so they passed on the deal.

Luckily for us, however, Heather Mills is one of those people who obsessively recounts every meal and change of clothing for the world to not care about on Twitter. She not only confirmed that she had been approached, but claims that the only reason she didn’t get involved with the game was because Capcom refused to donate money to amputee charities. This Twitting then segued into a strange game concept in which she attaches lie-detector controlled electrodes to Sun journalist’s genitals.

On this rainy Friday afternoon, our hats have to go off to Capcom for not only daring to come up with the idea of getting Heather Mills to promote Bionic Commando, but for also having the balls to actually approach her.

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